Ep 4. - Flourishing In real Life: Flow, Stories, & Creativity

 SHOW SUMMARY:

This is our first interview show!  It’s part of a series called “Flourishing in Real Life”. In this episode, I have a great conversation with my friend and fellow coach, Tracy Loring. We are chatting about what it means to flourish, how it is different than just getting by, and how it is different in various life stages. We also talk about flow, authenticity, and gardening as a perfect analogy for flourishing!  And you won't want to miss the part about how the stories we create as part of our human experience shape us from childhood on, and whether or not we can or should try to change it. Plus, Tracy shares about her own midlife shift, including how she knew she needed one and how it showed up in her life! Listen in and join the conversation!

SHOW MAP:

• 3:15 - What does it mean to Tracy to flourish in life and how does flourishing change over stages of our life. Plus… a fun gardening analogy that flows throughout the show!
• 11:26 – We develop our belief structures in childhood and they evolve into our stories.
• 14:31 - Can we stop our egoic stories from developing?
• 19:45 - How embodiment techniques help with emotional self-regulation.
• 24:56 - Our stories are not only cumulative and deeply rooted, they are social. We create them from our engagement with other people.
• 31:55 – Tracy shares how she knew it was time for her midlife shift, the signs that something needed to change, and how she got started with that change.
• 39:23 – Tracy shares some of the amazing results she created through her midlife shift.
• 45:16 – The creative power of thoughts, and how creating what you want, whatever it is, happens in two stages; plus the power of naming your soul.
• 48:20 - “Joy is a primary sign that what you're doing is in alignment with the truth of who you are, with your spirit.”
• 50:32 – Making predictions of what you’ll create next.
• 53:55 – What advice would Tracy offer to people who might be ready for a midlife shift? Hint: It relates to the gardening analogy from earlier!

WHAT TO DO NEXT:

• Subscribe to the show & please tell your friends about it!
• Join the conversation in the Flittersphere™ at https://www.facebook.com/groups/flourishinginmidlife
• Follow Tracy using the links below in her bio!

RESOURCES:

• In this episode, I referenced a quote that I love but I couldn’t remember it in full detail… and I didn’t know who it came from. So, of course, I researched it! In the process, I found a great site called The Quote Investigator (https://quoteinvestigator.com/2013/01/10/watch-your-thoughts/). They trace the quote or similar sayings to many possible sources, including a grocery store owner named Frank Outlaw, a 1989 Buddhist text, a Chinese philosopher named Lao Tzu, and Margaret Thatcher’s dad! So, I have no idea who it really came from… but I still love the quote. It so perfectly captures a creative premise that I believe in… that we create everything in our lives. Here is the full quote: "Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”   

SPEAKERS:

Guest TRACY LORING is a seasoned facilitator, consultant, and certified Expanding Possibilities Executive Coach. She brings over 25 years of experience in talent management, learning and development, team leadership, consulting, facilitation, and coaching. In addition to being a personal and executive coach, Tracy specializes in working with leadership teams to transform the way they operate. She is also an artist and resides with her husband and daughter in New York state. You can learn more about and connect with Tracy here:

Website: https://www.tracyloring.com/
Creative Musings Podcast: https://tracyloring.buzzsprout.com/
YourTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqSC1OucLBWPGeV4w5gwNMA
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tracyloringcoach
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tracyloringcoach/

Hostess SUZETTE CONWAY founded the Flittersphere™, a collection of courses, communities, and coaching programs, to support women 40 and older in creating a vibrant midlife! It’s a great time to shift things so you can release the burned out, angsty, restless feeling of living disconnected from what you are meant for and finally have the deeply satisfying life your spirit craves. Suzette started her company in 2017, bringing the wisdom of a 25-year career in corporate learning & development, a degree in communications, deep curiosity and a love of exploring the human experience, a nerdy obsession with positive psychology (the science of thriving!), a craving for Sparkable Moments™... and a determination to live vibrantly! This quickly turned into a mission of enabling better human experiences and helping women live more Sparkable Lives™!   From that, this podcast was born! Learn more and join the Flittersphere™ with the links below.

• Website: www.flittersphere.com/ 
• Ready for a coach? Book a consult
• Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/flourishinginmidlife
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/purplechickenlife
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/flittersphere

TRANSCRIPT:

Suzette Conway  0:05 

Hey there, welcome to the sparkle moments podcast, where we have conversations to feed the soul. In this show, we explore the human experience using a mix of science and personal stories, random ponderings and deep end of the pool discussions. I'm your hostess, Suzette Conway. I'm a happiness coach and the creator of the Flittersphere™, which is a community of women intent on crafting our most vibrant lives. This show is part of my mission to raise the world's vibration and consciousness by creating better human experiences to change the world and beautiful and spectacular ways. I'm so glad you're joining me on the journey.

Welcome to our very first episode in this special series in this podcast. Everything that I talked about on the sparkle rooms podcast is about how we flourish and thrive in midlife and how it can serve us to create a midlife shift into what is the next best expression of ourselves, right, in this human experience. And as part of that, I want to talk to people who can offer a real life perspective on what it means to flourish and how and why they created their own midlife shift. And that is what this special series is all about. Because we all need to be inspired by great examples of women living on purpose.

Today, I am talking to my good friend Tracy Loring. She is a fellow conscious creator and a coaching colleague. We met years ago when we worked together in a corporate learning and development department at a cloud computing company. And I knew right away that we were going to be friends. I love her spirit and her perspective on living, and I love her perspective on living a creative life. And I know that you will, too. Tracy is a seasoned facilitator and a consultant and a certified Expanding Possibilities executive coach. She has over 25 years of experience in talent management, learning and development, team leadership, consulting, facilitation and coaching. In addition to being a personal and executive coach Tracy specializes in working with leadership teams to transform the way they operate. She's also an artist and resides with her husband and her daughter in New York state. You can learn more about Tracy and connect with her at TracyLoring.Com. In the show notes. I'll share some links to her podcast, Creative Musings, and to her Youtube, Instagram and Facebook channels, so you have plenty of ways to reach her. And I promise you will want to. So thank you, Tracy, so much for joining me today.

Tracy Loring  2:28 

Oh, it's my pleasure to be here. Thank you for happening.

Suzette Conway  2:31 

Oh, it's exciting. I'm so thrilled that for our inaugural show for this special series that it's you. I feel like we have a special connection over podcasting since I've been on your show, and you help me get this show started. But mostly just because your warm spirit just always fills me up. It fills my spirit up. So I'm glad you're here. 

Tracy Loring  2:50 

Thank you. The feeling's mutual for sure.

Suzette Conway  2:53 

Oh, thank you. Okay, so before we dive in, you know me, I have a list of questions for us, and we'll see where the conversation takes us. But before we get to that, I always want to start by anchoring to the theme of the show. And for us, that's all about flourishing. So I want to know what does it mean to you to flourish and thrive in this human experience that you get to live

Tracy Loring  3:15 

So flourishing for me and bear with me, I'm I've got a cold. So if I'm extra husky today, this isn't how I always sound for better, very sexy. Again, I can't promise this in the future. But, um, yeah, so flourishing, flourishing... it's such a great word. It to me, it's about living life to its fullest, right, in all aspects of it. So flourishing means tapping into my creative potential. It means sharing my truth in the world, living my purpose, my true nature and spirit, if you will, and doing it in a way that that feels true and effortless that just sort of comes from me without having to think about, okay, how can I take a step back and construct the 13 different ways I can can contribute in the world, right? It's much more effortless, organic, and in flow.

Suzette Conway  4:15 

I love that. I love when you talk about true and effortless to me that feels like the very definition of authentic, right? Like just living authentically is what makes it so effortless. And it's just a natural expression of yourself. But it's my beautiful. Thank you.

Tracy Loring  4:30 

Thank you. Yeah.

Suzette Conway  4:31 

Do you feel like you're living that kind of life these day?

Tracy Loring  4:33 

Oh, I do. I really do. And in ways that I didn't expect, like, you know, in preparation for our podcast, I did think a little bit on on some of these questions. And I thought back about my life and there was a time in my life when I was growing up, probably until my mid 20s, where I would definitely say I was flourishing in my life. I was, things were effortless, I was going through life sort of, from thing, one thing to another, and the way that things drew me. And I felt like I was true to myself. And exploring, you know, especially in my early 20s, it was all about exploration and learning and testing and trying new things. And then sort of I had this kind of lull, if you will, you know, like I got older, different things sort of went on in my life. And I don't know, I just sort of felt like I started to get stuck. And it I wasn't, I wasn't flourishing for a while. And that's really what caused me to take a step back and start to ask myself some questions about is this really the life that I want, and I can go into more detail on that, if you like in a minute. But, you know, once I started to look at things a little bit bit more closely, and make some shifts in my life, I got back to that place of knowing that I'm living my truth, you know, and really tapping into who I am. And what that did is it opened it up and made it easier to share with others. Because part of what is true for me is to share my spirit with the world. And for a while there felt like work to do that. And most likely, in hindsight, it's because I was doing it in a way that wasn't authentic. And now I am, and so it just sort of comes out of me. And, yeah, allows me to, it's almost like, I've been using a lot of planting analogies lately, we just bought a house recently with a beautiful garden and learning about gardening in more depth. And so I've been using a lot of this analogy lately, but it's like my roots got free. You know, when you buy a plant it at the nursery, and its root bound, it's been stuck in that pot, and it's growing, but it can't really expand in the way that it would love. And you pull it out of the pot, and you kind of claw the roots a little bit, and you give them space and then you plant it in the ground, it has a chance to flourish. That's kind of how I feel in my life right now. Like I was root bound for a while, and still growing, still contributing all those things relatively happy. But I wasn't flourishing. And you know, digging, doing the work, digging into the roots, pulling it out, teasing out what was holding me back and getting rid of that sucky container that didn't serve me anymore, is putting me in a position now where I am flourishing.

Suzette Conway  7:40 

I love that analogy of being root bound. Like when you buy those plants that are already started for you, so they're harder to kill, right? That is kind I need! It makes me think, too, that one of the elements of that analogy, if I might add to it is this notion that when you're not root bound anymore, like when you're loosened up, you and you have more space to grow in, you better nourish yourself, like you can take in the nourishment that you need, in a way that you can't when you're in a tight container when you hold yourself too tightly, right? And, and I just gosh, I love that analogy. It gives me goosebumps. And I think it speaks so well to what you're talking about. Like in your 20s I feel the same way about when I was in my 20s I always say I had this what felt like a charmed life to me. Like everything just worked, I would be broke one minute and then get a rebate on something the next minute and I would be you know need something and it would just show up in my life. And everything just sort of had this bit of flow to it that was not necessarily always easy, but that it was always in service of what I needed, if that makes sense. Like I felt like the universe was conspiring with me. And I know that for me when I hit midlife, I look back and all I could think was holy crap, where did that go? Like, where is that woman? And where is that energy? And when did I lose her? And how do we get her back? Right? Yeah, I couldn't define it. I didn't I certainly wasn't as eloquent as you and talking about that. But I knew that there was a time in my life when things were different. And midlife had shifted me somehow. And the best thing I could figure out was that it was like the responsibilities of being an adult, right? You have a mortgage and a job and a career and you're moving up and that and your focus is for me, it became all about proving myself am I good enough to be in my career and my building, what's the word I'm looking for, like sort of off authority and influence and that kind of stuff. And I was really in my ego around that stuff. I wasn't living authentically, not fully, right. And it disconnected me from my spirit. And it took me a long time to realize that was the difference. In my 20s I was still young enough to be connected to my spirit just naturally, and just kind of flowed and do what I wanted to do. And I had the room to do that socially, if you will, because I didn't have any big responsibilities. And that got harder as life went on. And I just - yeah, I love your analogy. It's like It's like somehow, I went from being unbound in my 20s to re-bound. It's like Someone put me back in my pot, and my roots got kind of constricted again. And I wasn't nourishing myself and I couldn't take, I couldn't grow from that place.

Tracy Loring  10:08 

Yeah, you know, I've been thinking a lot about this lately, actually, because I it's funny, you use the word charmed, because I too defined my life that way when I was younger, I was always so grateful for you know. I was really good in a past life, because I was living a charmed life, that's how I felt, and I do still in you know, in many ways feel that way. But I've been thinking a lot about what happened to that girl, because I too have had those moments where, especially as I've started over the past, you know, six-ish years or whatever, where I've started to dig into things and, and claw those roots a little bit more. I've realized that I've started to develop these stories in my head that didn't, I didn't think ever existed before. I was like, where does this come from? Like, where is this coming from, I never used to think this way. Or I would tap into and get a truth, you know, about who I was, or what I was doing in the world are meant to do. And it would remind me of how I used to define myself. And I would find myself reaching out and talking to people that I was really close to at that time in my life. And they would reflect those things back to me like, oh, yeah, this is who you are, this is what you're meant to do. And I'm like, yeah, what the hell happened to that? You know, and I've been thinking a lot about it. And it's almost like, the theory I'm playing with right now is that, you know, we talk about, between the time that we're roughly born and somewhere around five, right, we develop the bulk of the belief structures that sort of form our lives. And, and I believe that's true, you know, we do develop a bulk of that structure pretty early on. And, you know, my theory that I've been toying with is that a lot of those beliefs are there, and they're in there. And as you go through life, little experiences that you have, may start to feed those beliefs, and they get a little bit stronger, and a little bit stronger and a little bit stronger. And they start to take on more of a role in your life than they may have in the past. So it's like, yeah, we create the bulk of our stories between the time that was zero and five, but we're always creating stories. When I feel like, you know, in my 20s, I started to create new stories, so that by the time I was in my 30s, and 40s, those stories had more power than they did when I was younger, because I was just whether it was just literal, less less life experience, you know, I live fewer years, or if things hadn't quite happened, or I hadn't processed it that way. And you know, something you said really cued it in for me as well about where you are in your life at that time, you know, life stages, right? Let's forget age for a minute, let's just talk about life stages. You know, there's a stage in your life, where you're learning, you're growing, you're figuring out who you are. And then there's a stage in your life where you're testing that. Is this who I am? And then you can sort of go into and then the next stage in your life, which is Is this all there is? Yeah, and then and then there's probably a stage where it's like, okay, yeah, this is, this is what I want to do, right. And those stages can last your whole life. And we may not all get through all of them, or they might be really compressed, whatever it is, our journeys are all different. But I feel like for me, I, I lost sight of all of those things I held to be true, because I was having experiences that were tapping into those belief structures, and that were feeding them. And I didn't have tools in those moments to counteract them in the same way I do now. So do I have experiences that could feed those stories now? Absolutely. But I also have tools that helped me look at them and go, "Oh, yeah, that's BS, that's just triggering one of your stories". It's bringing up that old dragon, right? So I think it's really interesting, I think back around raising my daughter, I have a three year old, and what tools and resources can I support her with now? So that as she goes through life, she can more effectively look at those stories and not get root-bound

Suzette Conway  14:31 

You know, alright, so I want to talk to you about that. There's so much goodness in what you just said, but I feel like I want to pick on that last little bit. So you know, I have my niece that I'm really close to. I don't have kids of my own but I couldn't love her more. She were my own and she's 13 now. And I think a lot have always thought a lot about what you just said, like how do I infuse her with tools and knowledge and perspectives that serve her and I have started to - I don't know what you think about this - I've  started to believe It almost doesn't matter what I do, right? That this journey that we're talking about where there's these phases that you go through the developing your beliefs, I could watch her beliefs coming alive. Like I knew when she was five or six years old, we knew about this stuff already, right. And I could see her foundational beliefs forming and how that shifted the way she saw the world and showed up in the world. And I was already I felt like I was desperately trying to infuse her with something that would counteract that, right? And it took me a long time to realize out first of all, I'm not sure, I'm still gonna do it, I'm always gonna try to do it... I want her to be well armed, but I'm not sure it totally matters. I feel like she's all she still is going through all the same phases we did, it's a very human experience, right? And she'll still have to, she'll still see her own stories. You describe them almost like an acumulative way, right, they stack on each other, they get activated at certain times, it's still going to happen to her. And I hope that when it does, she'll remember some of the tools that I left her with, right that I helped embed in her. But I don't know that they will. And I wonder sometimes how much of doing that is me trying to spare her pain, that I don't have the right to spare her from that she in fact, needs to experience to evolve into her own self, like we have gone through in life. And it's just I don't know where I'm going with this. It's like the instinct to want to protect and serve the young ones, with what we know, is so automatic. And yet sometimes I think it's almost, not useless, but like, it's, I don't know, like, it's just not going to work out the way we think that's gonna work out for them.

Tracy Loring  16:36 

Yeah, I agree with you. 1,000,000% Suzette. Absolutely, like I've had this conversation a lot. So being an older mom, I had my daughter when I was 48 years old, so I've had lots of life experience and lots of opportunity to learn different things. And more so than I would have if I had had her when I was 24. Right? I just didn't have the same amount of life experience. And I thought a lot about that, knowing what I know, now, you know - how can I raise her in a way that supports her, but yet is very real and automatic, like, I know, she's gonna create stories, it's inevitable. And I know that as much as I want to prevent her from creating this sort of story, or that sort of story, her little mind is going to make up whatever story she wants, based on her experience and the path that her spirit wants her to live, right. So I know, I can't spare her. I know, I can't protect her from that. Nor would I want to it robs her of her experience as a human. And you know, that's not what I want for her as well. And so the, the path that I've chosen to take with it has been more about helping her know, well, first of all modeling, right? And then sort of talking through with her, here's what I'm doing. So she can see how I do things, how I deal with grief, how I deal with pain, how I deal with frustration, how I deal with different things. And share with her some of the techniques that I learned, as I do it. She's going to observe me and learn anyway, right? No matter what I do, if I choose to never intentionally teach her a single thing, I will always be teaching her because she's going to look at and model what she sees. And so the approach I've taken with it has been, you know, how can I be the best version of me, so I can be the best model for her. You know.

Suzette Conway  18:42 

I love that. Yeah, I love that. Because it's so true. It's like, you know, you think about it's like, I can't stop her from going through those experiences my niece anymore than you can stop your daughter from going through it. But we can maybe arm them with perspectives, right, like, like, I guess the biggest skill is things like self reflection and self awareness. And, and you know, I'm always talking about like, the skills that the tools that we use, in our coaching work and with our own lives, about shifting the energy that we have to a different space so that we can act from there intentionally and respond rather than react from our ego at triggers, right? Like those kinds of skills, I think presuppose the notion that I don't need to remove her egoic triggers. I don't need to try to stop her from having them. It's about teaching her how to see them at work in her life, and not make them mean anything about herself and then choose how to respond intentionally from a space that she can put herself into, if that makes sense. A higher energy space.

Tracy Loring  19:36 

Absolutely.

Suzette Conway  19:37 

Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right. It is it's not so much about removing the experience. It's about teaching her some skills for how to process through it.

Tracy Loring  19:45 

Yeah. And you know, and like I said, my daughter's three right. So we're not having deep in depth conversations about her ego and you know, she's still in the middle of forming all that stuff. Our focus really, if there's anything that I've been actively teaching her has been more about self regulation and using her body. So at this point in her life, she's a toddler. So she struggles with self regulation. And because of who she is, as her unique person, she might struggle more than others with that. And so you know, the things that we've been focusing on are breathing, wiggling her toes, you know, taking a deep breath and counting to four, as Daniel Tiger likes to say. You know Daniel Tiger love him. And that sort of thing, right. You know, Santa is going to bring her she doesn't know this, of course, Santa is going to bring her Peppa Pig Yoga Book for Christmas. So we're going to start doing yoga together. And those sorts of things, right. So those are things that I can help her get in touch with, especially her connection with her body is something that will serve her in every aspect of her life throughout all of her life. And so that's something I'm really excited to, to help her develop. And her father and I have talked about, potentially, you know, some martial arts for her in the near future. And turns out, there's a really great place right around the corner from where we live, that that's pretty well established for that. And they have a youth program that starts at age four.

Suzette Conway  21:25 

I love that. So my niece is older. But I remember starting really young trying to, again, we're not having serious conversations, but I tried to teach her to breathe, right. And she would go and and I'll teach her like to try to meditate and breathe and quiet her mind and sit still. And there's moments where she thinks that I'm nuts. And then there's moments where she will try and do it. And I can see her trying to apply it, which is lights my heart up. And then she goes off to and like she would completely drop it. But she'll come back from school, and they taught her some breathing technique in school. And like I taught you that three years ago, I want full credit for this. So it's funny because what what comes with it, like we joke all the time about it, like I can't I don't even know how old she was, when I first talked to her about your fight or flight response. Yeah, you have to manage that in order to reactivate your executive functions and make good decisions. Like, I'm sure I'm turning into a giant, like spiritual geek at this point. But it is, I forgot where it's going with that embodiment, about embodiment. And let's Oh, I'm sorry, this is where it's like, what I hope it does for her is normalize these things for her I want like, you know, you talk about how teaching your little one how to express herself and regulate her emotions, and to model you feeling your emotions and not suppressing them. So whether it's feeling your emotions and processing through them, or deep breathing, or yoga, or all these other things, to me, I think one of the most powerful things about it is that it normalizes it, and it and it's something that's just, they'll just grow up knowing that's part of how you can be as a human being. But it also shows them what it is... that you're human, that I'm human, right, that we get through these things. There isn't any need to stuff that part of us down. And I think that's super important. Because we need our human side and our spiritual side. And they need to see examples of people in their crap. And in their spirits.

Tracy Loring  23:14 

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, one of the things I think a lot about with her, she's, she's female, right? Whether or not she identifies that way, I won't know yet. But, um, you know, that was her sex at birth. And so I think a lot about the way we raise females in our culture, in our society. And so I don't discourage her from getting angry, or expressing her anger, we talk about how best to channel that, you know. And her father and I talk a lot about language that we use with her and things like that. You know, I would, love to break the cycle, of some of the messages that I know I heard a lot when I was growing up, and that I hear society, say. And, you know, I know that she's still going to get exposed to those messages, at school and out in the world, and all all sorts of those things. And absolutely, and like you said earlier, you know, my hope is that when the time comes in the moment, her intuitive soup will pull what it needs to serve her in that moment. And that, in addition to all those other messages in there are some of those things that she heard from Mom and Dad,

Suzette Conway  24:27 

It's like going back to your gardening metaphor, right? You're planting seeds. And I think that it's so critical to be, she's so lucky to have you right, that you're aware of that enough that you are doing that heavy gardening with her in these early first five or six years, because that is where the stories are being formed. So while she's forming the stories of I'm not good enough or no one loves me, could she also be forming and these moments and stories of but I have the tools I need and it's okay to be fully me and express my anger. You know what I mean? Like it's just there, she will get it from other places. Stories are not only cumulative and deeply rooted, they're social, right? We create them from our engagement with other people. She will get them. But there is a window we have until they're about seven, I think, when you are their primary influence on them. And gosh, imagine what you're sowing in her, you know what you're planting seeds for. Yeah, I think that's the extent of my gardening metaphor.

Tracy Loring  25:20 

More will come, I'm sure. More will come! 

Suzette Conway  25:23 

Okay, so let me ask you this. So we talked, there was so much stuff we covered earlier on and you had this - I have to go back and edit it and see what I can pull out - And maybe we can have a second conversation about this. But I want to dig into we tell you about, you know, your 20s versus now in midlife and what you think of is flourishing. And, and I want to dig into from your perspective of midlife now. What do you think you are meant for? And how does that show up in your life in a way that helps you flourish?

Tracy Loring  25:52 

When you say what I'm meant for, do you mean, like purpose in life? Tell me more what you're what you're asking.

Suzette Conway  25:59 

I think, a little bit purpose in life. But I think sometimes too, when I think of "meant for", you know, you mentioned, we talked about things like I'm meant for more, there's something more than this, right? And, and so it's like, what is it you think you're meant for? What are you here for? So yes, a purpose? I'm not one who thinks we have like a single purpose. I think we have lots of purposes. So yes, let's talk about your purpose. But just in the sense of why do you exist at a grander level? Like what are you here to be?

Tracy Loring  26:27 

It's interesting, because I was thinking about this recently, as well. I remember growing up, you know, one of the common questions everyone get most people get asked when they're growing up is "What do you want to be when you grow up?", right? Everybody likes to ask kids that. And I remember probably, until I was maybe, in junior high... the one thing that it wasn't the answer to what I wanted to be, it's what I saw myself being, and it was a teacher. And, and then I wanted to be a doctor, and all sorts of stuff and other things took over. But it you know, when I think back, that's the thing that just always felt true to me. And I never pursued teaching in the academic educational sense. What ended up happening was, my career just sort of followed that path naturally. I was good at it. And I ended up in situations where I just started teaching. And I started teaching art, and then ended up in corporate and doing training and all of these different things. And, and now what teaching looks like for me is sharing stories, through podcasts like yours, and the one I have, through the work I do with leaders, in helping them unlock their potential and see what gets in their way. Through the work I do with my coaching clients, you know, helping them live the lives that they would love. And it all comes back down to, to that sort of element of teaching. And, you know, I've spent time in my personal journey, looking at what my purpose is in life. And I've spent time with my business, looking at my business purpose is. And it all comes down to inspiring joy in the world and inspiring people to live their truth. And, you know, I come back to - yeah, that's kind of what it is to be teacher in a lot of ways. Yeah. So I kind of feel like I had a sense early on, about what that was. But it's, it's when I strayed from that, or when I was forcing it to look a certain way that I didn't feel like it was where I was meant to be.

Suzette Conway  28:53 

Okay, so we're gonna put a pin in that because that is going to anchor us to the next question, because that's I, that's where we're going. But I think it's a perfect example. But I want to, I want to just pause and share too, that you're not alone in that, right. Like I had a similar experience. I wanted to be a teacher when I was a kid, I think all little girls did. It was when we were... teachers, nurses, whatever, typically feminine careers... but I wanted to be a teacher and I always and I ended up... that's how we know each other... from our learning and development days in corporate America. And I used to think that, I still think this, well most people who end up in that kind of a job I always say we're accidental learning and development pros, accidental instructional, you just happen into it. It's not it's not a job that when you're in high school, they go did you know that you can be an instructional designer or a learning program manager? Like it's, you know, it's not like that, right? But you have a natural instinct and a calling towards helping people and towards, and there's an expression of skills, I think in really good people, but people who are really good in these spaces like coaching and training, of compassion and connection and sort of an expansiveness and openness to like letting things come in and see what happens with them. And I think there's parts of that, that show up in you as well. And I know they did for me, but like, where you were going with this was, it wasn't enough, like I woke up one day, and and realized, everything was fine on paper, but I wasn't really happy. And I didn't know why. And I felt like I had this sort of shadow career, like I was expressing my gifts, right? You were talking about that you knew from a very young age, these gifts were, they were in you, and they showed up in a really natural way in those professions. And now they show up differently, but they're still those same gifts. And, and for me, it was like, my gifts were being used in a way that was possible for them to be used, but wasn't the most inspired way for them to be used, if that makes sense. And so I felt like I had this shadow life where it's like, yeah, I'm doing what feels right to me, I guess, right? Like, again, it's this all there is? There must be something more than this. And I knew there was just a point where I knew in my own journey, in my own story, that something had to change. And I didn't know what it was or what it looked like or might be or how it would evolve. But I knew... I don't know how to say it.. it's like there's, there's, it's amazing what we humans will tolerate, how long we will tolerate the intolerable, because it's not quite painful enough, right. So I sat in the space of not being fully expressed in my corporate career for a long time, because it wasn't totally bad. And it wasn't completely off track for how my spirit might want to be expressed in the world. It just wasn't aligned as well as it could have been. And so when I think about your story, I see some of those same telltale signs, right? Like I know, personally, because we've been friends, what some of your your changes have been in your life. And I wonder if you would be willing to speak into that a little bit and talk about what you shifted in your life, how you went from being in that corporate space, being not a mom, being you know, all these things to where you are today? And what just kind of talk about your story, what prompted that shift? How did you know you needed it? And what did you do - how did your shift show up?

Tracy Loring  31:55 

Yeah. So for me, you know, I had gone along in my life, I'd been successful I, at the point where this shift was sort of coming to a peak, a transition point, I was married, happily married, found someone that I never thought I would find, had the kind of relationship I didn't think could exist. Like I hated romantic comedies, because I thought they were just BS, right? That doesn't really exist. Well, it turns out, it's possible. And I found the person that was the right fit for me. Had a beautiful house, made great money, at a job with people that I really liked. And every day, I would get up and get in the car and go to work and was nauseous on my way to work. And it just, it wasn't working. You know, it wasn't working for me. And it was primarily related to my job, you know, other aspects of my life were on track. And it just work wasn't working. And there was an aspect of it, that tapped into what wasn't working wasn't the duties I had for the company I worked for. It's that I had somehow lost alignment with myself. And so for me, what the big trigger was, was two things. One, it was again, going back to embodiment, it showed up in my body, physically, you know, not wanting to to go to work. The second thing though, that really was the litmus test for me, was something my husband said to me. So my husband is super easygoing. Super easy going, right? He has very few asks, from me in terms of our relationship and those sorts of things, really easygoing. He said to me one day, he goes "I can tell you're not happy. And whatever you're going through, when you feel like this, you're not really pleasant to be around." Wow. And I was like, that stopped me dead in my tracks, because it was like, okay, not only was what I was going through hurting myself in my body, but now it was creeping out into my relationship. And the relationship I valued most in the world, which at that time was my husband. So, you know, that was like, Whoa, whatever, whatever's going on with me, I'm putting my relationship in danger. And that was a line I wasn't willing to cross. And so what I ended up doing is I remember having conversation with my boss at the time, fantastic person, mentor friend to this day. And I said, you know, I need to do something, something's got to change. And I had done a little bit of research and had... surreptitiously the universe dropped in an idea for me that was to go explore a course in neuro linguistic programming, which I had been exposed to from different different leaders in the past. And I went and I said, "look, this, this is going to help me. And it's going to help me be a better coach, it's going to help me be a better leader. And it's, you know, that's gonna benefit the business, right?" Because I asked the business paid for it, as a development opportunity for me. And he agreed, and I went on this course. And it was this intense, week long, 9am to 11pm, sometimes midnight, days, super intensive course and neuro strategies, that completely shifted my life. And I came out of that course going, yeah, there was a lot of healing that started in that course. And at that time, I also had a dear friend who was going through their own journey, and they were starting to build a coaching certification. They were on a path to become certified as a coach themselves, and they were looking for people to coach as part of their certification. And I said "sign me up". Because this, whatever this is, this exploration is working for me, and I want more. And so I started working with that person. And again, you know, as a favor to them as they were building their certification. But certainly, I was getting value out of it. And it wasn't long before I went to them and said, look, okay, I need to start paying you, because I'm seeing a change. I'm seeing it change, you know, and it was like, no, no, there's something here. And it was, in particular, the premises that were underlying her coaching practice and the way that she viewed the world and what I was learning, and it was... that really started me on the journey to reconnect. Because what I realized was, who I was, I had gotten off that path, I'd taken a turn a detour somewhere, and I'd forgotten all the things that I knew to be true. And so going through this, this, these explorative workshops, and learning these new premises and starting to practice them in my life, helps get me back to the truth of who I was, and what I believed about the universe. And so yeah, that sort of started that journey again, but But really, if if, if I could pinpoint it, it's, it's when my reality didn't align to who I believed I was. And the way that that got reflected to me, you know, whether it was feedback from my team at work, or feedback from my body, or feedback from my husband, I was getting feedback in my world that didn't align with who I thought I was. And that caused me pain. And that was, you know, that pain got to a point where it was like, okay, that's it no more. This is my rock bottom, something needs to change. And that's when I made those choices.

Suzette Conway  38:06 

I love that. That's also beautifully shared and explained. I love that you just even ended it with right there is that if the feedback if we're open to it, if we can even just see a glimmer of what we know, from our body, from other people, from our co-workers, from our family members, they will, they will reflect back to us in their own way, what they're experiencing of us. And I love that a big part of this for you was recognizing, oh, what I'm seeing in that mirror that they're reflecting back isn't.. I don't like that. That's not what I want to be. It's not who I am. And that's really powerful. I think when we talk about midlife shifts, and how do you know you're ready for a midlife shift, it feels like that's a really key element, right there is pay attention to the input you're getting from other people and other experiences in your body and whether or not they align with you.

Tracy Loring  38:52 

Yeah, you know, somewhere. And forgive me whoever came up with this quote, because I don't remember who did. But it was something to the effect that the definition of pain or suffering or might have been anxiety, one or the other, is when we are out of alignment with the truth of who we are, you know. And that's what was going on. And those are the ways that I was able to identify that, you know, I, I work with people who are out of alignment and have spent the bulk of their life that way,

Suzette Conway  39:22 

So, you created a shift in your life in order to realign to the truth of who you were. Talk to me about, if you're if you're willing, if you don't mind, some of the most impactful and unbelievable results you've created as a result of shifting so that you are more aligned to your own truth, to yourself.

Tracy Loring  39:43 

Yeah, oh, gosh. So I'll just go in chronological order. It'll help me remember. I think the first thing I created was owning myself as an artist and calling myself an artist. So for anybody out there who has experienced this, you'll, you'll know what it is when you have the creative desire to express yourself creatively. But you don't feel like you're worthy of calling yourself an artist. That's where I was in my life and where I had been, you know, and I'd been doing art since I was as long as I can remember. But I could never allow myself to call myself an artist because I wasn't formally trained, I didn't go to art school, I didn't think I was good enough. I, you know, I wasn't in galleries, I wasn't blah, blah, blah... put in all the definitions. So the first, the first thing I did was changed my definition of myself, and owned myself as an artist, which allowed me to unlock not only more creative expression, but to go after things like showing my art in a gallery, like working with other artists in a shop, where I used to show and sell my art, and, and starting to do art workshops, again, like I used to way, way back. So that was really, the first thing was really unlocking that for myself. And that was just unlocked a huge amount of joy that, of course, spread into other parts of my life. That was the first thing. The second thing was, I'd had this vision for this country home, it was, it was a home connected to the flow of nature. And so my husband and I picked up our things and bought a house in 30 days in Bastrop, Texas and moved to five acres. And it was just this really beautiful, magical place where we created a space for ourselves that was connected to nature, and we built an art studio from scratch. And that was just another incredible creation. And then, you know, around that time I also got to a point where both myself and my husband owned that it was true for us to become parents. And so I got pregnant and we had a baby. And that journey in and of itself was I mean, talk about all the stories that we tell ourselves and all the conditions that we think need to be true in order for us to have what we want. I was 48 years old. And I got pregnant and had a baby, you know. Granted, we had help, you know, we used to donor egg and, and had the help of some really amazing doctors. And that was incredible. And I'll always be eternally grateful and will always welcome into our life the woman who helped us do that. So that that was a really, really big thing. And then, you know, throughout that I quit my corporate job and started my own business and am living my life day to day according to the metrics, those spiritual guide posts, like we've talked about that matter to me, you know? Am I joyful, am I inspiring others, am I living my truth? And I've crafted my life around that. And you know, yeah, the the next thing on the horizon for us is, is to build our home from scratch or next home, you know. So, in between there have been all sorts of things I've, I've created in between. I mean, the house that we bought here, we bought know the pandemic in a market that was just ridiculous where people were paying, and are still paying 10s of 1000s if not more dollars over asking, you know... we bought a house for asking and closed in 30 days, you know... and with our first offer on the first house that we put in. So stuff like that, right that just seems to come effortlessly when you take a step back and look at it. But some pretty... those are like the big ticket things right? That I would I reflect back and call the big ticket things but so many countless small things in the way that I live my life and how I show up for myself and my family in my husband and changes in my body and how I my relationship with my body is completely different. My relationship with money has changed. And boy has that served me and not just literally in terms of financial implications, but just the reduction in stress and energy that I was putting into all this angsting about money that has really shifted for me. So yeah, there just been so many big and small things that have come about in that time. And you know, really we're talking... what I think 2015 was when I went on that neuro strategies course. So, you know, it's 2021 now, almost 2022... five, six years? Yeah. hasn't been that long.

Suzette Conway  45:16 

It's amazing. Cuz I know, you know, we haven't talked a lot about it on the show yet, because it's still so new. But we I know, from the work you do, because I do the same kind of work, these creative principles are what make all the difference. And applying creative principles, and premises is a really powerful skill. And when I listen to your story I hear, I just want to call out a few things that I hear from that. One of them is that you talked about calling yourself an artist was one of the first shifts that you created. And for me, what jumps out about that is just the power of words, and thoughts, right. And so I don't know if you've ever heard, I don't know where it comes from, or who created or whatever. But there's this thing that says, "watch the watch your thoughts, they create your words, watch your words, they create your actions, watch your actions, they create your behavior, your behavior creates your destiny" or something like like, there's this whole chain of things. And all starts with words with thoughts. Thoughts are just silent words, right? But with words, because they're symbols of our beliefs, and our feelings and all that stuff. And the simple act of saying out loud what you want, I am an artist, that is who I am. It's what I want. It's how I'm being in the world. It's how I show up. That act is the first step in creation, there's a thing that says that creation happens in two steps. It's the thought and then the deed. You have to think of something in order to go then and try to manifest it and create it. And just that act of I don't want to say simple because it's powerful, and it's sometimes very hard to name, who we choose to be, and how we choose to show up in the world. And the act of calling yourself an artist of speaking the truth of what your soul is... shifted everything for you. It shifted how you expressed yourself, and showed up in the world, which changed your experiences, which shapes your stories, which then affects your thoughts and like, it's all so interconnected. And so yeah, I just want to call that like naming what you want and who you are, is powerful stuff.

Tracy Loring  47:08 

Yeah. And the definitions, you know, how we define ourselves, you know, and we use words to do that. Yeah. But shifting, you know, you make up the definition. Yes. So you can make up a new one.

Suzette Conway  47:22 

Yeah. And I think it's really important to that you made it up, you decided for yourself what that was, right. It's so easy in our world to get into, well... would other people think I'm an artist, or do I have the right to call myself an artist or what really is an artist? You know, it's so easy to get mired in all of that muck, right, as opposed to just, "this is my Spirit speaking to me, I am an artist." There's a line, one of my favorite shows it ever at all time, you should absolutely watch it. whoever's listening to this podcast, it's West Wing. It's a TV show series. And there's an episode where one of the characters is talking to a Nobel Laureate in poetry. And she says to him, she says, "I write poetry, Toby, it's how I show up in the world." And it just... no, she said "Its how I enter the world." And it just lights me up to think about that. And for you, artistry is how you enter the world, right? It informs everything you do. And that small act of naming that out loud is so powerful. The other thing that I love that you said is you said that when you change made these changes and unlocked your joy. And I don't know how you think about this, but I think of joy as a primary sign that what you're doing is in alignment with the truth of who you are, with your spirit. Because all emotions are signals, right? We should pay attention to them they're not to be stuffed down. If you're angry, it's a signal of boundary has been violated, amongst other things, you know. If you're scared, it's a...  you know... there's they're all symbols you should notice. Joy, when you feel that when your spirit lights up. It's because it sees itself. It's like, "oh, this is me. I'm in this activity. I mean, I exist here", like, Yes, right. It's a joy gets it is your spirit getting excited. And I think that's a really powerful thing to notice is that when you were in alignment, you felt joy?

Tracy Loring  49:05 

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And yeah, yeah, I think it's the, you know, quintessentially, most emotions devolve into one of two things, joy or fear. You know, one might say love and fear, but you know, the expression of love is often joy. So, yeah, absolutely.

Suzette Conway  49:29 

It's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that stuff. So, okay, so I want to ask you one other thing, though. So where are you continuing to shift in your life? Like you've been doing this work now, you said for about five or six years. That's when you started. So you started your midlife shift about, what 45, would you say? Am I doing your age, right?

Tracy Loring  49:46 

Let's see in 2015, yeah, I would have been 45 and 2016.

Suzette Conway  49:51 

Um, and you've made a lot of shifts and a lot of changes... and I always like to point out that with the work that I do with my own clients, is that, the shift is not what you think it is. Like your shifts, the obvious ones, are like, oh, yeah, you got a new job and you moved homes and changed the state you live in and all this stuff, you had a baby! The shifts are so much deeper than that right?

Tracy Loring  50:11 

Oh yeah, yeah.

Suzette Conway  50:11 

It's a shift in, like, mindset and methods and awareness and, and the way you show up in the world, and yeah, and the amount of joy you feel and how you even measure things like the shifts are so much more. It's like aftershocks on an earthquake, right? They just keep coming and keep coming. And so what I want to know is, what are you continuing to... how are you continuing to shift? In what ways do you shift these days?

Tracy Loring  50:33 

Yeah. So I think the thing that's coming to me is this idea of definitions, you know, continuing to redefine myself in a way that's aligned to who I am, in my, in my truth, and catching myself when I'm defining myself as anything other, you know? So, continuing, and the reason why I say continuing to redefine is that, you know, taking the opportunity to reflect back and go, "What, how am I defining myself right now, what no longer serves me what definitions no longer serve me? And what's the real truth?", and choosing to embrace that and let other things go. So it's this, this continual process, it's what we do in the learning and development world, right? Where we, it's the learning orientation, where you are consistently doing retrospectives around, you know, what, what has this last six months been like for me? Or what does this last week been like, for me? You know, what, what doesn't serve me any longer that I can let go of? And, you know, where do I want to put my focus next, and continuing to, to do that is how I'm continuing to create those shifts. And you know, it's hard for me to say, yeah, and I'm my next shift is going to look like X, Y, or Z, because I have no idea. You know, six years ago, if you had asked me, Tracy, do you see yourself being a parent owning your business and living in New York State? I would have gone... maybe New York State, but hell no, you know, no, what, you know? So I know better than to, then to make any specific estimates about where things will be in any any amount of time. But I do know what I would love in my life. And continuously checking in with that, and exploring what that looks like, and allowing that to unfold in a way that it's meant to. Going back to what I said earlier about being a teacher, you know, when I was eight years old, and somebody asked me that question, and I said, you know, I don't know what I want to be, but I could see myself being a teacher, maybe at that point in life that looks like in an elementary school, in academia, and maybe another point at look like maybe being in college. Now it looks like this, right? So continuously reflecting back who I am, who do I want to be what's true, what do I want to create? And then allowing everything else to just unfold? Is how I'm continuing to make those shifts. 

Suzette Conway  53:26 

I love that. I love that. There's so much beauty and personal power in allowing for evolution and for the unknown, right to just like yeah, I don't know... who am I... I love that... you didn't say it like this, but like, who am I to predict what's coming next, right? Other than just to say, I follow my spirit and where it leads me as long as I'm honor that and let the end let things unfold from there. It's all going to be okay, right? Because it's all just part of your journey.

All right. So what what advice would you offer to people who are may be ready for their midlife shift their own midlife shift? Like, what would you say to them? Other than all the amazing stuff you've already just said. And I feel like the last little bit of just like, stay connected and let it unfold is probably the most profound thing but like, let's see what else is in you.

Tracy Loring  54:13 

Yeah, you know... what I would say to someone who, it feels like they're ready for their next midlife shift, is yeah, don't, don't allow yourself to get root bound. Tease out the roots. You know, look at the stuff that might be holding you back and throw away the container, the old container that doesn't serve you anymore, old definitions, old ways of working. Whatever it is, get rid of that container and allow yourself to flourish in a way that's true for you. Let go how the how, and, and be open to the possibility.

Suzette Conway  55:05 

I love that. Love that. Thank you. Okay, so we're done with that part of the conversation. But I always, I want to end with one sort of off-topic question. And the thing I want to know from you is, what is the next adventure you want for yourself? Like, I don't know, is it travel, is it a cooking class, whatever, like, what are you wanting to try in your life now?

Tracy Loring  55:26 

Oh, let's see, um you know, I want to create a farm. So I have this vision. When my husband and I talk about building our, our home, it's part of this broader farm, where we have animals and we grow things. And he is a gardener by nature and at heart. And so I'm learning more about that. So, you know, learning more about caring for and growing things, is really where the next adventure is for me. I've always had a really strong connection and tie to animals. So that just feels really natural. But yeah, exploring, exploring what that looks like, and what that feels like. It's almost like, my, my next adventure isn't some outward expression. It's it's more deeper connection. And for me, it's deeper connection to nature.

Suzette Conway  56:31 

I love that. So to the people who are going to be listening to this, they can't see your face, obviously, right? But you are lit up with joy. Like, I see the joy on your face, and just the possibility of... it's not even the possibility, it's like letting yourself identify your dream, expanding on what that looks like to you, steeping yourself in like, that's gonna happen, right? Like it just... your face is light up, lit up with joy, and it's just beautiful. So, you know, there's, I feel like as we wrap this up, it's so obvious to me that there's so much truth in knowing that at any point, not truth, excuse me, well, there is truth but power in knowing that at any point in our choosing, we can create whatever it is we'd like in our life, including whatever, however, we need to shift ourselves to have what we want in our lives, right like to make room for that. And I think your story is such a beautiful example of how naming what you want. And allowing for possibilities and applying some creative principles is just it's so simple. It's like a simple bread recipe or something, you know what I mean? But it's so powerful. And I thank you for, for sharing your story with us.

Tracy Loring  57:39 

My pleasure. My pleasure to be here. Thank you, Suzette. As always, I, I just enjoy your spirit and your energy and always look forward to the opportunity to have any conversation. So thank you. 

Suzette Conway  57:49 

Aw, you're so sweet. I love it because this feels like we're having coffee as we're chatting and it feels like I'm in your living room and we're having one of our most amazing chats and I love that. Thank you.

Okay, well, that wraps up our conversation for today. I want to thank you, my guest, Tracy Loring, for being here, and for sharing your inspiring story with us about your own midlife shift. It makes me always so motivated to continue my own shift when I hear stories like this, and I'm grateful to have friends like you to do life with.

For those of you listening, if you loved this conversation as much as I did, I want to encourage you to learn more about Tracy. Check out her podcast, Creative Musings, where she talks about more cool things like this. There's a link in the show notes along with other ways that you can connect to her. And I think that is it for today.

If you enjoyed this show, come join the ongoing conversation that we're going to have about it in the Facebook group and share what resonates with you. There's a link in the show notes for that group. Also, please share the podcast with your friends and subscribe so you don't miss a thing. 

Thanks for listening to the Sparkle Moments™ Podcast, produced by purple chicken life and shared through the Flittersphere™. I'm Suzette Conway and you can find me at Flittersphere.com. Remember, you deserve to have your most vibrant life and the world needs the highest version of you. Those two things are related and they're worthy of your attention because you are the only one who can create the life your soul craves, and when you do, everyone around you benefits. So go on, be vibrant.